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Question by Angela R: How to refer to women who placed their child for adoption?
For those of you who’ve placed a child for adoption, how would you like for the adoptive parents to refer to you to the child if you could choose.(other then by your first name)
I’ve heard that some women don’t like the term “birthmother”, but some are fine with it. I’ve also hear “firstmom”, or “tummy-mom”.

Both of our children were adopted internationally, so we do not know their birthmom’s first names. Our children also were cared for by a foster mom for 6 months who they referred to as “ooma” (mom in Korean), and I think it would be confusing to call them both by that name, this also makes “first mom” difficult, as there would be a “second mom” too.

Thanks in advance for your opinions.
***I just wanted to clarify that I had heard the term “tummy mommy” used by biological mothers, and know of an online group by that name (created by a “birthmom”) I know many don’t like that term but I think it was intended to be used to explain adoption to very young children, and not to be demeaning.

Also, as far as the boys foster mothers, yes we are remaining in contact with them and plan to visit them when we visit them in the future. We refer to them as “ooma” because that’s how they refer to themselves. We do definetly feel that each of our sons has 3 moms, each special to them in a different way. I want to refer to his 2 “other moms” in a way that show respect towards them, and identifies the special role that they play in each boys life.

Best answer:

Answer by K H
Since you dont really know the mother(s), what she’d like to be called isn’t really a concern… I think birthmom should be fine. If your children are old enough to have a say, I think you can discuss it with them. Do they remember their birth mom? what would make them comfortable? and not confuse them?

if all else fails, maybe the korean word for aunt, or another term of endearment might work out for you.

What do you think? Answer below!

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